please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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