Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
