hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
