listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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