it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
If I die, sorry about rent.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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