4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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