sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
