shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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