Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
