Texts From Last Night

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  (602): View more from Arizona

  you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!

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  (602): you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies! http://tfl.nu/o9rd
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.

  (214): View more from Texas

  kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.

  (903): View more from Texas

  I'll be there in 10

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  (903): I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem. (214): kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night. (903): I'll be there in 10 http://tfl.nu/kykh
  Replies (19) Good night (5761) Bad night (632)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i mean you met him at the daytona 500

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  (678): found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife (404): i mean you met him at the daytona 500 http://tfl.nu/ydp4
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.

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  (479): I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary. http://tfl.nu/vju6
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets

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  (414): I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets http://tfl.nu/vdn6
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.

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  (206): I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea. http://tfl.nu/v4ue
  Replies (10) Good night (4202) Bad night (996)
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  (716): View more from New York

  If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.

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  (716): If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex. http://tfl.nu/vi35
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.

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  (316): The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts. http://tfl.nu/ngvo
  Replies (54) Good night (8528) Bad night (1482)
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  (650): View more from California

  It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.

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  (650): It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water. http://tfl.nu/g5w6
  Replies (14) Good night (690) Bad night (2517) Order T-Shirt
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  (585): View more from New York

  I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.

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  (585): I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over. http://tfl.nu/fjvq
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.

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  (508): All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears. http://tfl.nu/qmop
  Replies (15) Good night (555) Bad night (1127)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.

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  (801): My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird. http://tfl.nu/uvgo
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.

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  (708): I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily. http://tfl.nu/de3q
  Replies (3) Good night (1875) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
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  (+49): View more from Germany

  Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.

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  (+49): Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant. http://tfl.nu/6o3i
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?

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  (832): So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid? http://tfl.nu/r78n
  Replies (3) Good night (332) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt

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