Texts From Last Night

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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...

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  (864): If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late... http://tfl.nu/m8kg
  Replies (2) Good night (1645) Bad night (555)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.

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  (612): I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks. http://tfl.nu/pli4
  Replies (27) Good night (3970) Bad night (931)
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  (310): View more from California

  the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights

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  (310): the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights http://tfl.nu/wmcj
  Replies (13) Good night (4940) Bad night (1092)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..

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  (519): I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team.. http://tfl.nu/ngxj
  Replies (34) Good night (5613) Bad night (703)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."

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  (407): We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression." http://tfl.nu/hom0
  Replies (11) Good night (1086) Bad night (4012)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it

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  (940): I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it http://tfl.nu/c2d6
  Replies (10) Good night (2646) Bad night (799)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse

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  (404): On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse http://tfl.nu/4mlr
  Replies (3) Good night (2973) Bad night (885)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.

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  (706): Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain. http://tfl.nu/4t48
  Replies (11) Good night (2328) Bad night (849)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street.  Hello 29...

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  (614): Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. ?Hello 29... http://tfl.nu/5t6y
  Replies (3) Good night (673) Bad night (1111)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?

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  (812): I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom? http://tfl.nu/ubnw
  Replies (3) Good night (837) Bad night (611)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.

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  (480): I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level. http://tfl.nu/m64o
  Replies (5) Good night (2884) Bad night (484)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.

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  (614): Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes. http://tfl.nu/ghhe
  Replies (13) Good night (482) Bad night (2180)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime

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  (302): I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime http://tfl.nu/7bjc
  Replies (11) Good night (285) Bad night (677)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.

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  (254): Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS. http://tfl.nu/4s6u
  Replies (0) Good night (414) Bad night (159)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.

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  (608): Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated. http://tfl.nu/bowh
  Replies (3) Good night (500) Bad night (183)

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