Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first

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(773): So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first http://tfl.nu/bbw8

Replies (13) Good night (2544) Bad night (1197)
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(661): View more from California

Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"

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(661): Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std" http://tfl.nu/vth3

Replies (29) Good night (3223) Bad night (1342)
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(323): View more from California

Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.

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(323): Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups. http://tfl.nu/guyb

Replies (7) Good night (3884) Bad night (1121)
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(619): View more from California

His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.

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(619): His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini. http://tfl.nu/6erh

Replies (9) Good night (4662) Bad night (1363)
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(808): View more from Hawaii

Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.

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(808): Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face. http://tfl.nu/bml8

Replies (8) Good night (1114) Bad night (3313)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine

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(403): You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine http://tfl.nu/d0ou

Replies (23) Good night (3044) Bad night (1503)
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.

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(774): It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world. http://tfl.nu/7olx

Replies (16) Good night (2780) Bad night (789)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.

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(678): I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school. http://tfl.nu/ax1k

Replies (14) Good night (4063) Bad night (988)
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(404): View more from Georgia

He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.

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(404): He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13. http://tfl.nu/mb7j

Replies (13) Good night (8573) Bad night (1186)
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(516): View more from New York

Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame

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(516): Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame http://tfl.nu/dqi5

Replies (2) Good night (1822) Bad night (562)
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(510): View more from California

I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.

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(510): I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English. http://tfl.nu/sei7

Replies (4) Good night (1530) Bad night (587)
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(813): View more from Florida

So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?

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(813): So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance? http://tfl.nu/tosl

Replies (3) Good night (716) Bad night (449)
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(607): View more from New York

she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on

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(607): she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on http://tfl.nu/rygw

Replies (2) Good night (801) Bad night (299)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.

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(412): So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him. http://tfl.nu/x1lw

Replies (2) Good night (663) Bad night (349)
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(312): View more from Illinois

I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.

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(312): I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now. http://tfl.nu/q74w

Replies (0) Good night (222) Bad night (581)

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