It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
