This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
