they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I FOUND THE LEGS
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
