Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
