Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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