i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
