Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
