I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
