Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
