We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
