My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
