He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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