There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
