tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
