reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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