My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
