I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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