I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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