making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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