Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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