my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
