hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
