I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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