I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
