your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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