this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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