On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
