I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize