I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
