I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
