Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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