im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
