I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize