There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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