So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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