Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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