Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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