I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
