I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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