Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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