I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She's the barista slut.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
