This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize