you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
