im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
