so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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