Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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