so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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