I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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