make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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