It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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